Who'll win a trolley dash?

I notice the web counter is at 1998.

Please let me know who is number 2000! Helen S had the privilege of breaking the 1K barrier.

I guarantee a special prize, in the same way most of my friends promised to sponsor me.

I feel like Jim Carrey

I met up with my friends Helen and Lee in Belfast last night (they of " recently engaged" fame). It was very weird at points. It transpired Helen is quite a regular reader of the blog so knew a lot of things about me before I said it. It kind of cut an almighty swathe through our small talk.

TV advert comes on: Helen goes "oh! there's one of those adverts for towns! I'd never noticed that ...

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That column in full

My attempt at providing some froth for the long commute home - not sure the girl in question will appreciate it:

"I have recently started seeing a very pretty young lady. I think we like each other. You know what it's like - boy meets girl, boy and girl decide they like each other, boy and girl subject everyone within a ten metre radius to copious public displays of affection. It disgusts people ...

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Bloody dial up #2

As I have a bit of spare time at home, I decided to try and get a column printed in "the Londonpaper". For those of you outside the capital (of England), this is a free rag that offers joe public the opportunity to pretend to be a journalist for the day. The vast majority I have seen either focus on the knucle-bitingly obvious ("Oyster cards!", "Kids playing their mobile phone music on buses!", ...

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Hello? This is 1997 calling....

I think I posted the other day that I wished it could permanently be 1999, as I was sick of getting older and growing up.

It's not quite what I had in mind, but I am currently sat in my mum's spare room feeling like it is the end of last century, tippy-tapping away on my mum's laptop, accessing the wonderful world of the internet through dial up. And not just dial up, my friends - pay as you go ...

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I'm starting to quite enjoy this

**Just noticed I got his name wrong. I'm sure that won't wind him up in the slightest!**

Response (Noel Mellor)23/11/2006 05:59 PM

Dear Tony

Thank you for your response. I apologise if you are not happy with the service offered by Ticketmaster, but communications of this nature are not helpful.

The full details of all bookings are made available to you at the time of purchase, along with terms ...

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The TNPC

reconvened this evening. I had a great time - met up with Lizzi, Jennie, Craig and Murray in Goodge Street for some pintage and chat.

I was the first to leave, due to shortage of cash and my big works xmas party tomorrow (in the Tower of London, no less). I texted them when I was sat at home with my kebab to thank them for a wonderful evening - they were still in the pub having a "debate" about ...

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The Mighty Hun

Are through to the knock out stages of the UEFA Cup! What we fail to manage against St Johnstone, we can do against the 5 and 6th best teams from leagues throughout Europe. First time in 34 years that both the Gers and Celtic are still in Europe after Christmas. Get in there.

Dear Ticketmaster....

Discussion Thread
Customer (Tony Edgar)
23/11/2006 09:18 AM
Dear Noel

Thank you so much for your complete lack of compassion. I imagine it is very easy to hide behind an email address with no prospect of anyone ever getting through to talk to you on the phone. I understand your policy and was hoping that you might understand that, despite their best intentions, people are occasionally fallible. ...

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Ticketmaster are scum

Yes, I understand their "no exchange" policy.
Yes, I am an idiot.
Yes, they are the most inflexible, hide-behind-an-email-address company in the world when it comes to customer service.

"Noel Mellor" - I'm talking to you.


Please respond to "Ticketmaster Customer Support" tm_support@mailnj.custhelp.com

Recently you requested personal assistance from our on-line support center. Below is a summary ...

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I'm gonna take down that annoying "Sponsor Me" thing

cos let's face it, if you were going to do it, you will have done so by now. Another HUGE thanks to everyone who did - once my extra from my company arrives, I'll have raised over £1000 for Fairbridge. Am stunned.

I do still intend to thank everyone personally through the old blog - it's just that unfortunately a burd and Christmas have blessed me at once, so time is a little in short supply. I'm sure you understand.....

Another good day for the Emerald Isle....

Ireland rise to number three in the world rankings in rugby, less than a year before the World Cup (of which the final is on my 30th birthday - fate?), and the mighty Celtic march into the last 16 of the Champions League after beating Man Utd. I know I am a Rangers fan, but secretly, I wish I was a Tim. It's just not that simple unfortunately. But from a Hun, well done Bhoys, hope you get at least a round further than we did last year.

Why can't it be 1999 for ever?

I don't want to grow up. Life is too complicated.

I'm only 29 for God's sake.

As Take That almost sang, "Everything Changes But Me"

Competition time

apparently the picture below is hard to work out. So a prize in the form of a pint for the first correct / most entertaining answer as to what it is.

Unintentional

But quite cool, methinks

Congratulations!

To Helen and Lee, who have just announced their engagement!

My wee pal, all grown up! And only 28! Bless.

Am feeling all snuggly and huggy and nuzzly - congratulations guys, and I expect celebrations next week when I'm home, or at the very least a drunken party at Christmas.

Txx

Dunno if you can read this

Why does bad grammar annoy me so? It's 2am on a friday night!

Advice for men

If you happen to find yourself having a one night stand with a mussel, make sure she spits instead of swallowing. After a slightly odd conversation in the pub last night, I discovered that they reproduce by ingesting sperm through their feeding tube. Durty little molluscy whores, the lot of them.

One of my strengths...

....is that I am a very rational person.

So why then, does a trait that serves me well in 99% of my life, decide to have a nap when I start to like a woman? It phones up its mate "paranoid" to cover its shift for a couple of hours.

Boy meets girl. Boy quite likes girl. Girl seems to like boy. Boy and girl see quite a bit of each other for a couple of weeks, and arrange to meet on Wednesday. Boy ...

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I got to drive the DLR today

It was fun. Andy had told me it was especially good on the tunnel into Bank station. It was - just like driving the tube I imagine! Or the world's most relaxed roller coaster.

For those of you who don't know, the Docklands Light Railway is entirely automated, so where the driver's cab would normally be is just a normal seat. On an otherwise empty train this afternoon on the way home from the ...

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Don't be skint on a work trip to edinburgh

You miss out on all the fun of a night out on the piss

Ging ge ge ging ging ging ging ge ging

Remember me?

Hello. Sorry I’ve not been in touch lately. It’s been a bit hectic.

The Christmas festivities kicked off on Tuesday, and sure enough I’ve ended up out every night since – hence the lack of chat.

Tuesday: Christmas arrived early in Regent Street, as I fulfilled a childhood dream of watching the Christmas lights get turned on. Unfortunately, Shane Richie doesn’t have quite the clout ...

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Cathy

Cathy was next to sponsor me, almost two months ago. Oops. I went to school with her, but don't remember speaking to her a whole hell of a lot. I do remember one haircut that she had in 6th year where it was sort of medium length but shaved underneath. I remind her of this every time I see her. She does not seem very impressed and why would she? It is not exactly the most remarkable thing in the ...

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My blog is rubbish apparently

so says Craig. It's ugly and amateurish. Harumph.

I would suggest it is at least marginally easier to navigate around than this abomination from the Belgian demi-gods, Soulwax

I have a Boston accent

at least, I do according to a "what American accent do you have" quiz I've just taken (on Jill's blog). It's probably not designed for Irish folk, but it makes sense when you think about it... I do sound quite like Tom Cruise in Far and Away.

I'm supposed to be doing something constructive

like writing people's thank yous, or looking for a job, or learning to cook, but instead I am surfing myspace looking for bands.

A conversation in the pub yesterday put it back in mind, so I have put my 16 year old hat on (that is, the one that makes me feel like a 16 year old, not the crap "Georgia Tech" baseball cap I got for my family holiday to Lanzarote in 1994), and am merrily surfing around looking for electro-punk-type bands to ask to be my friend.

Tomorrow night in the role call of sites I never use anymore - Ebay.

Fireworks

are great.

especially when you want to take a young lady out for the evening. It went so well I felt at one point that I was in a shite Richard Curtis film - I half expected a bumbling Hugh Grant to come stumbling out of the bonfire, screaming Osmonds lyrics as he rolled around on the ground trying to put out the flames.... Well, that might be pushing it a little, but I did get the impression it ...

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The Ian Paisley of South London?

I got a text off Lucy the other day, saying that she had seen Christian Guru Murphy at Herne Hill train station.

The name rang a bell, but I had not heard of this mystical religious Irishman. I had visions of a cross-legged man dressed in green, long wispy beard wafting in the breeze, giving out wisdom such as "where's me lucky charms?" and "sure it's only blarney, so it is" to his devoted ...

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Does anyone own a plane?

I hate trying to buy flights at Christmas. So far, the cheapest I have found involves flying at 6am in both directions, and even then it comes out a whopping 2p under the £100 mark. Quality.

Lump of coal and an orange for the niece and nephew this year then.

I love fireworks

can't wait til the weekend. Fireworks rock. Except for when they're set off in the middle of Brixton high street by a couple of little pricks, as happened at 8.30 this morning as I was on my way to work.

Funnily enough, scared the shit out of just about everyone in our gun-riddled suburb. They didn't look half as pretty fizzing about between Morleys department store and the bus stop as they will do high above Clapham Common tomorrow night, either.

I'm reading a book

This is quite a rare event for me. It's called "A Confederacy of dunces". It's very good. It's so well written in fact, and the main character is such an utter arsehole, that I want to reach into the pages and throttle him every time he opens his piggy fat mouth.

Lucy chose it for me from her mini library. I asked her for a book to read when I was leaving hers one night, and rather than just ...

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