Next stop Christmas

Yes, the final bank holiday is past for another year. How was yours?

I took advantage of a summer spent stuck in work to take a few extra days off this year. Managed to fit in Get Loaded in the Park and a visit to Portsmouth, so also didn't feel like I'd wasted the time off.

Get Loaded was as good as always - yet again after a shit summer the weather was on its best behavious and we sweltered int he heat/the various tents all day. Unlike last year, we didn't spend 3 hours getting drunk in a pub in Clapham and actually made it through the gates about an hour after it opened. The highlights w ere Bonde do Role (in the video below) and 2 Many DJs, although the Streets weren't far behind, despite me being pretty unimpressed last year at Roskilde. The fact I was starting to get a hangover kicking in and it was 1am probably didn't help my mood in Denmark though. Bonde do role are your usual crazy Brazilians which made for the best atmosphere of any gig I've been at for a while.



Portsmouth is not a dump.

I was as surprised as you. Obviously there are certain parts of it that need a bit of work, like every town in the UK, and it helps if busy sea ports and ship yards make you wide eyed with child like wonder, but the whole area around Gunwharf Quay and Southsea is lovely. We were down flat hunting for 'er indoors' impending relocation for the university year, and we even managed to achieve our goal. Although considering the feature that clinched the room was a brick chimney, perhaps it wasn't as difficult as it could have been. The flat's in a really nice area near a nice local pub and about 5 minutes walk from the beach, so it couldn't be better. I'm glad I managed to see the room and the town before the move - I 'm now very likely to visit on a regular basis and know that she'll be happy down there. Meanwhile, I'm moving out to the suburbs, having admitted defeat at staying young. Nice tree-lined street, back garden, big room - a far cry from my current bachelor pad (which doesn't contain any bachelors). All change at Casa Tattie, that's for sure.

Before the move I have a bit of international jet-setting to do - Edinburgh next week for 3 days, then Poland for 4 days a fortnight later for a Polish wedding. By all accounts they last for 2 days and the 2nd day is where the leftover booze and food gets used up, so god knows what nick I'll be in upon my return. After that, it's a couple more weeks of work and then off to the motherland for birthday shenanigans and a wee trip to Glasgow to visit my spiritual home. All this and the rugby world cup. I have no idea how my liver or bank balance is going to come out the other side unscathed, but sure it's all about the thrill of the journey. Anyway, this time two months I'll officially be old and knackered and bits of me will start deteriorating, so at least I'm going out in style....

Ah, summer eh?

Summer is drawing to a close, which can only mean the weather is going to improve... It seems to have vanished in the blink of an eye, porbably whilst I was holed up in a pub at the weekend sheltering from the rain. I honestly don't know what's happened to 2007 - I was so certain that this was going to be an amazing year, and yet here we are with only 4 months left to go and it seems to be the same as it always was.

Still! Never mind! As of 5pm tomorrow, I have 5 whole days off, without even thinking of work. Off to Get Loaded in the Park on Sunday to dance like a dick to 2 Many DJs and perhaps even listen to the Streets. Just found out that several folk have managed to get their hands on some free tickets as well, so there'll be a bigger than expected crowd of us - the sun should finally stick its head out too so all systems go for some fun on the common. And my mates can get the beers in, as I had to fork out £80 for two tickets! That's what I get for planning in advance I suppose.......

There's so much wrong with this picture I don't even know where to start......

God bless the internet

I checked my Google Analytics this evening, just to see what's been going on. Bizarrely, someone had found their way to my blog by typing "Noel Mellor" into the search engine. And spent almost 10 minutes on it.

"Who's he?, I hear you cry...." Well, it would appear he is a former Ticketmaster employee now working for Bruntwood Estates in Manchester (and abusing his internet access), who decided to Google himself the other day.

Having found it weird that the name was on the list of referrals, I Googled it myself to see where I appeared in the results, and clicked on the link to my post of November last year. There were four comments. Now, having a life 'n all, I wasn't sure what they said.... two were between my friend and I, but there were a further two that grabbed my attention. For the benefit of those who don't remember, you can read the original post here. The additional comments are posted below.........

Noel, all I can say is, you made my night. I did laugh quite a lot. Obviously 9 months have passed and I no longer give a shit about my crappy little argument with you. But fair play, you were quite entertaining with your response. Really though, don't you have anything better to do than search for yourself on the internet?

PS - by way of explanation, I accidentally called him Neil in earlier correspondence because their was a guy called Neil Mellor who played for Liverpool for about 4 games.

__________________________________________________________________

Anonymous said...

Hi Timmy,

Just so you know, I dont work for ticketmaster any longer but recall having great fun with wankers like you thinking that they were going to get somewhere by attempting to sound clever and crafty...

I should also point out that each time you spent half an hour writing an e-mail that would so accurately 'wind me up' and crack the corporate machine that is ticketmaster (you little armchair militant you) I was pressing a button that sent you an automated response.

By the way, did you ever get that refund? Didnt think so.

8:03 AM

Anonymous said...

(I just noticed I got your name wrong tee hee fucking hee)

Yours so very sincerely

Noel

8:05 AM

This google analytics thing is awfully clever

and more than a bit 'big brother'. Andy was talking about it and saying some of the slightly dodgy internet searches that have led people to his site, given that he normally has random movie quotes in there.

My first discovery is that I've had 11 unique visitors in the last 24 hours, one of whom found me by typing "john smeaton.com" into Google. I googled the same phrase, and there I am - number 5 on the list of results! Who says you have to spend money to get a favourable listing?

I can also tell that at least two of the visits have been by me, as the name of my company is shown in the networks listing. Hope they're not checking out similar things at their end.....

I've addedd Google Analytics to the blog

so I can see who has been visiting it. Thereby confirming once and for all that apart from me and my mum, the thing only has about two readers. Still, until it gets to just me reading it (or even beyond that), I shall continue waffling crap and clogging up the information superhighway....

wasted Sunday

or should that be wasted on Saturday night, leading to a wasted Sunday? Yet again I have managed to not leave the flat for the entire day and my weekend has disappeared in the blink of an eye. Thank goodness for J working the late shift, as going to collect her will force me to get some fresh air before the weekend is over completely.

Welcome to the world Leon Philipp Bickelman

Yes, another of my friends has gone and had a baby. So congrats to Stella and Pino on their new arrival. I'm off to the pub, and looking forward to having a teenie hired assassin available in years to come to settle any scores necessary.

The two videos I posted on You Tube have been viewed a combined total of 150 times

Do people have nothing better to do?

2

I thought that my posts this evening might look a bit like popular drama series "24", only with days of the week. Then I realised nothing of note really happened on Saturday, Sunday, Monday or Wednesday, so it became similar to an annoying box set after you've had a party and someone's nicked half the dvds.

Anyway, it's been an eventful week.

Tuesday

4pm, Tuesday afternoon. Sitting at my desk feeling reasonably productive. The phone rings. Jane answers. "Tony, it's for you - it's Group Security and Fraud". Panicked thoughts streak across my mind - finally my idle internet surfing has caught up with me - I've accidentally clicked on an Ebay link once too often, they've done an audit of my internet and emails and I'm buggered....

I pick up the phone with a greasy palm. "Hi Tony, this is Steve from Group Security. A couple of days ago you entered....."

Oh God, what's he going to say... Hotmail? A porn site accidentally? The alarm code to our building on a burglar forum?

"....a competition to win a tv...."

Did I? Buggered if I can remember that. Wait, hold on. Why would he be ringing me about that unless..... unless.....!!!!!

"...and I'm delighted to say that you've won! It's a Samsung 32 inch LCD digital tv"

Oh. my. God.

Spend the rest of the afternoon in shock, surfing Currys website to see how much the bad boy costs - well, the next 30 minutes anyway, before deciding I really can't concentrate so might as well go home early. Speak to Craig on the way home; arrange to meet him for a pint to celebrate my good fortune.

Meet Craig in the local pub, and bask for a couple of hours in the sunshine before calling it a night at a very reasonable 8pm. He walks round the corner with me to get a kebab; I go home. 5 minutes later my doorbell rings - it's Craig, hanging onto my doorframe with blood streaming from his mouth. "I've been mugged. Can you come to the hospital with me?"

I got a ride in the back of the ambulance with Craig to the hospital, which wasn't nearly as much fun as I'd hoped. The paramedic said it was because the sirens weren't on, and promised to put them on for me next time. I thought she was flirting with me, then I just got a bit perturbed about the possibility that there might be a "next time".

The NHS was working a full velocity on Tuesday evening, so after a mere 4 hours of sitting in the waiting room trying to avoid eye contact with the assorted freaks and weirdos a south London A&E attracts, he was seen at around midnight. Thanks to some strategically placed sovereign rings and Craig's inability to let go of his mobile without a struggle, his mouth is pretty much mush. The latest is he's had two Xrays on teeth and jaw, and needs to see an orthodontist next week for an assessment. So this little prick not only nicked a top of the range (and now useless) mobile phone in broad daylight, he's caused Craig untold suffering into the bargain.

The only positive is that the stupid little prick did the whole thing about 10 feet away from a CCTV camera, and I think they might have caught him.

It certainly put my good fortune into sharp perspective.

Friday

Last Friday I had the dubious pleasure of being scanned with a metal detector on the way into the pub. Such are the wondrous times we live in these days. I felt a little bit like I was in Total Recall for a moment, as the bouncer pointed at the square, wallet-shaped thing in my pocket and asked what it was. However, the novelty had worn off by the time I got inside as I wondered exactly why they were doing it. Were they expecting trouble or was it just a precaution? Whichever the reason, I made sure we didn't sit anywhere near the window.

It was absolutely mobbed but I was knackered so made my excuses and left early, stoppping off at the pub on the way home to see what time J would be finishing. Stayed around for another beer to wait until closing, whereupon the local schizophrenic and bon viveur came out to provide me with more of his interesting assessments of my parents' marital status, which part of a lady's anatomy I most resembled, and what he was going to do to me - although hastening to add it was nothing personal. I've heard all this pish a hundred times before and am very bored off it, and on Friday I ranted back at him. His hatred of me seemed to stem from the fact that I was from "Belfast", as he kept referring to my "mates" inside - meaning a couple of Belfast boys I'd seen earlier. I tried to point out I'd never even met them and anyway, how can where you come from dictate whether or not you're a nice person?

I'd forgotten about Liverpool, of course, and the fact that I was talking to a schizophrenic, so understandably these arguments had little effect. Just as I was getting ready to leave (with my pissed mate not understanding that this is a waltz the two of us play out everytime he sees me and trying to physically manhandle the guy away, whilst J did a subdued Polish version of "leave 'im Dean, ee's not werf it"), the subject of religion came up. Probably in terms of him calling me a Catholic-something-or-other. At this point I said "but I'm not even a Catholic, I'm Protestant". This guy goes "What? Say that again?" and I repeated myself, after which he held his hands up saying "Sorry, I didn't know, I didn't know" and backed right down. I did ask what the feck that mattered anyway but he just kept saying "I didn't know". I have never disclosed my "religion" to randoms, most definitely not to win an argument - I haven't even been to church since I was 13. But had I known that saying that 6 months ago when he started giving me grief would have apparently stopped it straight away, I would have been willing to make an exception.