The heatwave continues, and my frazzled scalp knows all about it. I spent most of the weekend baking in the sunshine - in the pub on Saturday and the park on Sunday. It was lovely - it's easy to forget how fantastic some unbroken sunshine can be for the soul.
I had a bit of an odd encounter on the way home on Saturday night, however. I was walking back to the flat alone and was just preparing to cross the main road when I became aware of a woman calling something in my direction. As I was already starting to cross the road (and after 6 years of ignoring crazies and beggars) I ignored her and kept walking. Blow me if she didn't follow me across the street, and I eventually stopped and turned round. "Yes?"
She looked at me really pleadingly and asked "Do you want business?". The poor cow had gone to all the effort of chasing me halfway down the street just on the off chance I was looking for a prostitute but was quite rubbish at it. Maybe she thought I was deaf. In any event, the very fact that she had to go to so much effort chasing a lost cause has since made me feel terrible about the disgust and venom on my face and in my voice as I spat "no!" back at her and hurried away. Fact is, I obviously didn't want 'business'. But there was no need for me to be so rude about it when she was obviously in such a bind that she had to cold call passers-by.
The knots my conscience ties itself in.
Lee forever despairs at the knots I tie my consciousness in also.
ReplyDeleteFay reckons being high in conscientiousness is the thing that causes the difficulty, and is maybe related to a tendancy towards depression, what with one having to wrestle with the mental chess that is - 'if only I'd said this', 'maybe she took it like that', 'what if he meant this' etc etc...
I reckon she has a point, at least where I'm concerned!
And a case in point re: over-analysing - I didn't mean to suggest either of us were depressed as such - rather that one can make oneself miserable over-thinking these things...
ReplyDeleteHow I got this far through life I'll never know!
heh heh - that's ok!! I do think that it's related to being overly empathetic, rather than depressed. I don't see it as a bad thing to constantly put yourself in the other person's shoes, although I agree it can result in no action taking place whatsoever for fear of the consequences. On a similar note, I hate having to complain about things for fear of an aggressive or dismissive response from the other person. Get myself right tied up in knots. I always see myself as the weaker one in any interaction. Unless I'm pissed, obviously.
ReplyDeleteAn aggressive or dismissive response is a weak response, as it usually is not backed up by an rational argument. So you would actually be the stronger side, trick is to let them vent and then calmly belittle them :)
ReplyDeleteInteresting stuff - I'm liking this.
ReplyDeleteEmpathy leads to fear! I get paralysed with indecision because I am just so goddamn understanding of all sides of the argument that I can't choose any single one, as to do so would be to deny the others? **
I have an excuse! lol * Oh, what a comfy fence *
** Unless I'm pissed, obviously
I blame it on being a Libra. In all seriousness. You have no excuse Helen.
ReplyDeleteRe: Lee's point - it's not the unwarranted aggression per se that scares me - it's the fear / expectation of getting battered or stabbed or shot (irrational, yes. Does that make any difference? No.)