I went to pick up some parcels from the sorting office this morning - five in all. When the guy came back to the desk with them he shouted out to the entire room, "Oi, Mr Ebay!" Realising he meant me, I went to pick them up upon which he said, "you wanna stop spending so much time on the pc mate, get yourself a different hobby".

Made me chuckle - they're normally a right bunch of miserable bastards but it got the day off to a nice start. I'm taking him up on his advice and heading out in an hour. Only to the pub to watch sport, mind, but it's a start.

Pregnant pause

Offered my seat to a pregnant woman on the tube this morning, in a rare act of spontaneous chivalry. She looked quite surprised as I bounded from my seat, before saying "no, thanks". I sat down again, shooting sly, smug glances at my slower male neighbours, the ignorant bastards. I wondered why she'd said no, and shot a glance back at her stomach, which she spotted. Suddenly it wasn't so clear ...

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Tasty

My San Miguel tasted different tonight. Sort of 'fruity' in a way. I'm no Oz and James when it comes to this sort of thing.

I'm not sure what the cause was - either the beer was incredibly fresh, or perhaps a bit off. Surely - surely - my taste buds can't have already recovered sufficiently to open up a smörgåsbord of new taste sensations attached to the familiar staples of my diet? I'm definitely avoiding the new Chilli Chocolate Walkers. But that's nothing to do with the taste buds or lack of. Just wrong.

Patch my bitch up

Have successfully made it through two whole days without smoking. Well, I will have once I make it to bed without running, screaming, from the flat in my slippers to claw at the fag display in the local off licence. All going as expected so far - the patches are doing their job in removing the irrational cravings of withdrawal, leaving me to focus solely on the habitual aspect. Which, for ...

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Booyah

One day off the tabs

First run since September last year.

One "getting lost" moment whilst running round Clapham Park (dodgy estate in South London. Sounds much nicer).

5.5 km "run" in 33 minutes.

That's what I'm talking about.

This non-smoking malarkey is turning me into a frickin' superman! Another month of tar free breathing and I'll reckon I'll be up for the Olympics.

Squeaky floorboards.

There's a loud, rhythmical squeaking coming from the floorboards of the flat above, interrupting my enjoyment of a BBC4 documentary about football. I hope they've bought a trampet.

Sibling rivalry

Had an outraged phonecall this evening from sis-of-tattie. Apparently, I've stolen her thunder. She has come to an arrangement with her son that she'll try and give up fags for lent if he gives up chocolate. It was his idea to enter into the bargain - pretty savvy negotiating skills for a 5 year old. Well, he'll be 6 in just over an hour, but you know what I mean.

It's yet another example of how ...

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I'm going on a journey...

It involves saying goodbye to some old friends. I probably won't make it, but I'm gonna try.

Not to bore you to tears or owt....

But discovered I could add my Twitter updates to the side bar of the blog. Not about to suggest you've any interest in it, but I tend to post 'tweets' when having fag breaks at work so in the lengthy periods between blog posts, at least something of interest may pop up here. You never know.

Twaverage

When I was growing up, blessed with a slightly odd-shaped nose and a shy, retiring demeanour, I was open to the whims and piss-taking of the school bullies. Their opinion of me seemed to fluctuate almost daily - sometimes they wanted me to be their mate, other times they'd incessantly rip the piss out of me. I was never threatened with violence or anything - it was more just the usual schoolboy ...

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Found myself actually feeling sorry for Coldplay tonight

4 Brit nominations, no awards. I must be getting old.

reminiscing

watching American Pie 2 on the telly. I still love cheesy American teen comedies. Even caught myself having my usual daydream that one day I'd spend summer by the beach and have wild beach parties with my mates. Then I realised I'm 31 and have only to look forward to potentially waving my son off on his rite of passage instead. I'm so gonna live vicariously when I grow up.

ryan giggs maltese puppies

The latest bizarre Google search term to lead someone to my blog.

Quite what it's all about I'm not sure.

Surely the nicest man in football doesn't have a Mediterranean canine-related scandal lurking in his boot room?

Perhaps there's a dark, unmentionable secret behind his record-breaking longevity in the Manchester United team? This could be huge. All this time, the authorities have been ...

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Explore

I am fast becoming an avid armchair traveller. I'm not sure if I am different to most, in that it is fully my intention to eventually get out of the bloody thing and go visit the places I dream about, but for now I am obsessively watching travel documentaries in the name of research and planning. I imagine every armchair traveller begins that way, before responsibilities, kids and so on take ...

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Home alone

J is out baby sitting this evening so am in the flat on me tod, and making the most of it: drinking a beer, watching the Milan derby on TV and absentmindedly scratching myself. Marvelous.

Snow devil

I forgot to post this picture a couple of weeks ago when snow brought London to a standstill. Ah, the memories. This time 14 days ago I was sheltering in the cosy warmth of a local hostelry watching the blizzard outside, debating whether or not to have another warming ale or brave the outdoors.

The snow-beast is the handiwork of "Dave" from our local pub. Pretty cool. No pun intended.

So, entry to NYC 09 is open...

Got an email yesterday from the charity through which I was hoping to get an entry for the New York Marathon in November.

The basic package, covering race entry and flights, comes in at £600 deposit and a minimum commitment to raise £1650 in sponsorship. Alas, in these lean times, I think that is a bit beyond my means. Today I had to count out the shrapnel in my wallet to make sure I could buy ...

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Schoolboy error

Having signed up to Twitter, I decided the best course of action was to start following only people who I liked or thought were clever or witty. Big mistake. Whilst it's very interesting getting their updates on their exciting lives and amazing japes, it has left me paralysed by feelings of inadequacy when it comes to providing my own "tweets". Yes, there are only 3 people following me, but I keep feeling like I need to somehow compete with the nuggets of genius that are listed on screen. Not being going well so far - my one contribution today being that I accidentally set my hair on fire whilst attempting to light a cigarette. Nothing serious. Hardly likely to set the world alight either.

Welcome. To Disco Polo.

Allow me to take you on a brief, late-night journey through the mystical, musical wilds of Eastern Europe. What you are about to witness is the inbred, bottom-feeding, country cousin to the Gypsy Punk that Eugene Hütz and his followers rightly feel is deserving of its place at the top table of world music.

I feel it is time that the uninitiated are introduced to the orgasmic delights....

....of ...

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I have a confession to make.

I danced to this "song" at a wedding a few years ago.

In my defence:

• I was trying very hard to blend in, in a strange land where I hadn't a clue what was going on.
• I was still reeling from being hand-picked by the Bride's mother during "ladies choice" to career around the dance floor in a tangle of uncoordinated limbs and language barriers.
• Everyone else seemed to like it.

This video is a much ...

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O-dear

My girlfriend professes to having no knowledge of music.

What she actually means is "no knowledge of decent, western music".

As soon as Rhianna's recent hit "Live Your Life" was released, she instantly spotted the sample. Lifted, apparently, from the seminal Romanian hit, Dragostea Din Tei, by 'so camp as to make the Vengaboys seem like Cradle of Filth' boyband, Ozone.

I'm concerned. But amused.

Babelfish doesn't do Teuchter

Worse luck.

I was looking back at the early days of the blog this evening, reminiscing about being a young 20-something whippersnapper on the cusp of something marvellous, when I noticed 3 comments attached to my very first "thank you" post. Now, I've noticed that 'Dave Kenicer' is consistently one of the top ranked phrases that leads people to my blog, but I assumed that it was just the man ...

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Pure viewing pleasure

Thank you British Eurosport, for you have finally provided me with some justification for spunking £25 a month on a Sky subscription. Some aimless channel surfing this evening saw me land on BE2 - ordinarily the home of luge and modern pentathlon, but tonight playing host to the magnificence that is "Red Bull Crashed Ice".

The premise: build a cross between a bobsleigh track and a downhill ski ...

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Thought it was time for a new image....

Have been trying to find a suitable new layout on the web, not possessing the necessary skills or talent myself to create one. It's tougher than I thought it would be, partly because I'm quite attached to the generic, ramshackle template I've been using since I started blogging over two years ago.

So, I thought I'd switch to this one to see how it feels - let me know what you think. Or, if you know of any decent options out there, feel free to point me in the right direction.

The Evils of Modern Technology

Met up with a mate after work on Friday for a couple of pints. Nothing new there. Two beers turned into 7, followed by a drunken meander home with a stop off at the chicken shop. Most definitely no news to report on that one.

Imagine my surprise, however, upon logging into Facebook at lunchtime on Saturday to discover that at some point during the course of the evening I had updated my status to ...

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Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep

I've belatedly jumped aboard the good ship Twitter in recent days, in an attempt to keep up to speed with what's "now" and "media". My good friend Murray, who is unashamedly both of these things, has kindly pointed me in the direction of some handy explanatory links, but I have to admit that as yet I have no idea what all the fuss is about.

Stephen Fry certainly seems rather obsessed with it, ...

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manky

got a bit of shock when I glanced at my elbow today. Looked a very strange yellow colour. Took me a few seconds to realise it was just bruising from my acrobatics the other day. If it gets more impressive I'll post a photo.

ITV has been stuck on its Station Ident for the last minute

Either this is their feeble attempt to somehow make up for playing an advert at the worst possible moment, or angry scousers have stormed the station.

I'm guessing the work experience kid won't be left in charge of the night shift again any time soon.

The FA Cup

The Merseyside derby

208 minutes without a goal.

2 minutes until penalties.

ITV somehow take an unscheduled commercial break.

The nation watches half a Tic Tac advert whilst Dan Gosling scores a winner out of nothing.

ITV realise their mistake and switch back to the action just in time to see him celebrate.

Nice one ITV. Wouldn't recommend visiting the Capital of Culture any time soon.

Never let a commercial station do the BBC's job.

Frosty, the bastard.

So this is the thanks I get.

Since Sunday, I've been waxing lyrical about the joys of the cold snap, watching the snow with the wide-eyed excitement of a 6 year old on Christmas morning. I even posted comments on the BBC website berating grumpier contributers for focusing on the boring aspects of unusually wintry weather - transport chaos, closed schools and the like - rather than just bloody ...

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Snow Day.....!!!!!

Woohoo!! God bless London's complete inability to cope with a dump of the white stuff.... For perhaps the second time in my life, I've got a free day off!! The only time I can ever remember it happening before was once at school, when my sister and I spent the day trying to build an ill-thought out igloo in the garden. Alas, today I have no garden and no sister, so am going to content myself ...

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Snowbound in the pub...

Gotta love it. It's the worst i've ever seen it in london, an actual blizzard. I feel there should be a clause built into the smoking ban for occasions such as these though. At least i've got another pint.

And so this is february

and what have we done? Another month over, a new one just begun....

hard to believe we're already a full month into 2009, eh? How are those resolutions coming along? As it stands, I still can't take photos for toffee, still smoke, still can't speak Polish and haven't been for a run since September. So, everything as expected then....

I have made tentative steps towards all of my goals for the ...

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