Tuesday

4pm, Tuesday afternoon. Sitting at my desk feeling reasonably productive. The phone rings. Jane answers. "Tony, it's for you - it's Group Security and Fraud". Panicked thoughts streak across my mind - finally my idle internet surfing has caught up with me - I've accidentally clicked on an Ebay link once too often, they've done an audit of my internet and emails and I'm buggered....

I pick up the phone with a greasy palm. "Hi Tony, this is Steve from Group Security. A couple of days ago you entered....."

Oh God, what's he going to say... Hotmail? A porn site accidentally? The alarm code to our building on a burglar forum?

"....a competition to win a tv...."

Did I? Buggered if I can remember that. Wait, hold on. Why would he be ringing me about that unless..... unless.....!!!!!

"...and I'm delighted to say that you've won! It's a Samsung 32 inch LCD digital tv"

Oh. my. God.

Spend the rest of the afternoon in shock, surfing Currys website to see how much the bad boy costs - well, the next 30 minutes anyway, before deciding I really can't concentrate so might as well go home early. Speak to Craig on the way home; arrange to meet him for a pint to celebrate my good fortune.

Meet Craig in the local pub, and bask for a couple of hours in the sunshine before calling it a night at a very reasonable 8pm. He walks round the corner with me to get a kebab; I go home. 5 minutes later my doorbell rings - it's Craig, hanging onto my doorframe with blood streaming from his mouth. "I've been mugged. Can you come to the hospital with me?"

I got a ride in the back of the ambulance with Craig to the hospital, which wasn't nearly as much fun as I'd hoped. The paramedic said it was because the sirens weren't on, and promised to put them on for me next time. I thought she was flirting with me, then I just got a bit perturbed about the possibility that there might be a "next time".

The NHS was working a full velocity on Tuesday evening, so after a mere 4 hours of sitting in the waiting room trying to avoid eye contact with the assorted freaks and weirdos a south London A&E attracts, he was seen at around midnight. Thanks to some strategically placed sovereign rings and Craig's inability to let go of his mobile without a struggle, his mouth is pretty much mush. The latest is he's had two Xrays on teeth and jaw, and needs to see an orthodontist next week for an assessment. So this little prick not only nicked a top of the range (and now useless) mobile phone in broad daylight, he's caused Craig untold suffering into the bargain.

The only positive is that the stupid little prick did the whole thing about 10 feet away from a CCTV camera, and I think they might have caught him.

It certainly put my good fortune into sharp perspective.