Smoke signals

Well, I've done it. Barring any catastrophes between now and around 11am tomorrow morning, I will have gone a full month without booze. Well done me.

I do actually feel a bit healthier today - typical. There's an extremely strong chance that I will dive headlong back into the world of alcohol consumption on Friday evening, thus ensuring I'm back in the land of hangovers by Saturday morning. To start finally feeling the benefit of abstinence this late in proceedings is similar to how my hair always looks decently styled when I've finally decided to go and get it cut. It's the equivalent of a puppy knowing it's going to the vet and trying to pretend it's not sick.

Perhaps as worrying as the outcome of my first tentative sips of lager, will be the effect getting back into "normal life" will have on my smoking habit. Or non-habit, as it currently, officially, is. I went all out at the start of January - no booze, start running again (over 70km trudged during the month), and kick the fags. Christmas at my mum's house saw me spending a combined total of hours, alone, shivering in the back garden sucking on a cigarette, whilst J and mum stayed cosy inside, celebrating the festive season in my absence.

I had some patches left but I've tried them twice now - 4 times if you include the additional two aborted attempts (pre-Christmas included) where I've just decided midway through that I'd rather smoke again. It's clear that nicotine withdrawal was not the cause of my repeated relapses. Years after first hearing about it, I decided to buy Allen Carr's "Easyway to Stop Smoking" from Amazon - I've heard multiple testimonials about it, and hey - the book is half the price of one week's worth of nicotine patches.

I have a degree in Psychology hence was sceptical about the effect the book might have on me. Of course, I'm far too smart and savvy to be fooled by some pop psychology. But I'd tried everything else besides hypnotherapy and drugs, so I had to give it a shot. The first few sentences I read, at random, from the middle of the book, convinced me that it was worth a read.

Like a lot of psychological theory, it states the bloody obvious. This is where its genius lies. I was, in a way, one step ahead of the book in that I had already been having the same thoughts it tries to teach running through my head - with every failed attempt to quit, the realisation of how much better your life and health is without fags becomes more and more apparent, never more so than when you get back on them. It wasn't that I wanted to smoke - I hated it. But I was addicted.

Or so I thought. What the book points out is that it is not addiction which keeps you coming back for more, but the brainwashing developed through years of exposure to advertising and peer pressure that somehow cigarettes are in any way a positive thing. This is where I have noticed the benefit to date - I stopped smoking before reading the book, which you're not supposed to do; you're meant to keep smoking whilst you educate yourself to see "beyond the matrix" - to notice how disgusting they taste, to realise that there isn't actually a positive associated with them. I hope, however, that having been through that independently beforehand will prove sufficient, and I will be able to use my new found perspective to stay clear of a relapse. I find myself viewing all smokers as drug addicts at the moment. The most powerful tool in my armoury is reminding myself that no one is a born smoker. Everyone forced themselves to become one at some point. This probably sounds a) obvious and b) stupid to non-smokers; however it really does help me remove that 'jealousy' thing.

Prior to this it had been envy of smokers which lured me back; realising they're just addicts who want to give up too and regret ever starting is a great way to remove that jealousy. The only thing the book doesn't cover, and the one thing I'm hoping I can prevent shouting in my head, is that I have always viewed smoking as an adult pleasure. Yes, it is stupid. But it is a feeling of independence and freedom - I can smoke if I want to. Despite it being for all the right reasons, I do still feel a bit aggrieved that my right as an adult to choose my own destiny has been taken away.

This is, of course, stupid. I also have a right to choose my own destiny by chucking myself off a bridge with a bungee cord attached. Why don't I do that? Because it seems too dangerous. I don't know the figures for death-by-bungee, but am guessing they're marginally less than death-by-smoking.

So - as it stands, I am also a month free of cigarettes once more, and nearing 3 weeks free of nicotine completely. I haven't felt a single craving. This may be due to the book, it may be due to non-drinking, it may be that the rational side of my brain has finally won the argument. Whatever it is, I hope it continues and - as Allen Carr promises - I wake up in the near future knowing I will never smoke again.