Got a beautifully crafted email this morning from Dave Bedford, erstwhile moustachioed middle-distance Olympian and current race director of the London Marathon. It gently broke the news to me that I will not be joining the 39,999 other participants pounding the streets of our nation's capital next April, as follows:
"Commiserations
By now you should have received the news that your application to run in the 2010 Virgin London Marathon was unsuccessful. This news was contained in our Marathon News “Rejected” magazine which should have been delivered to you by post along with your Virgin London Marathon Rain Jacket. Thank you for donating your entry fee!"
The news was contained in what?
The 'Marathon News "Rejected" magazine'?
Rejected magazine?
A magazine, especially for those of us who have been considered to be part of one of the world's greatest sporting events, duly assessed, and rejected?
What are the articles about? The top 100 parties you'll never be invited to? How to cope with being mocked by hoodies? Reasons why she filed that restaining order? How to deal with the fact you're going to die alone, unloved and smelling of piss in your council flat?
The last time I checked, the London Marathon selection process was a ballot. The last time I checked a dictionary, a ballot by this definition involved putting all the entries into a hat and drawing lots - i.e. picking out people at random. Surely this makes me 'unlucky' at worst? Being told I've been rejected from a sporting event makes me regress to the lanky kid I once was, waiting in vain to be picked for football in PE.
I didn't wanna run anyway. Running's stupid and for girls. Anyway, I have a shiny red rain jacket now, which is more than the 'accepted' folk do. So nerr. If, of course, my copy of Rejected magazine ever turns up. Which it hasn't yet. The postie's probably using it to wipe his arse, just to show me how much of a loser I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment